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Art for That Special Occasion
John Haberin New York City
The Museum of Modern Art—at a Price
Been saving up those pennies, all 2,000 of them, to visit the reopened Museum of Modern Art? Just what do you get for the extra money?
- A special bonus lottery ticket. Each day's lucky winner will take home a work from the permanent collection—or a reasonable facsimile by the postmodern artist of your choice. (And you thought they expanded because of a space problem.) Unfortunately, the director has already absconded with Starry Night.
- The very latest in security scanners, guaranteed to turn away Cat Stevens or your money back.
- Reassurance that arte povera really does mean "poor art" and has nothing whatsoever to do with poverty.
- A 10 percent discount at any Starbucks in the museum. Don't forget: there's a franchise at the end of each and every gallery. (The Futurists invented latte, you know.)
- A reminder that Ed Koch was right: Republicans can be at home in New York City.
- An architectural model of the new gallery for contemporary art, proof that your New York apartment really is a scale model.
- One night in a condo apartment built as part of the expansion plans. (Estimated value on the rental market: $2.7 million.)
- A negotiated settlement with Spain to return Guernica to Michael Jackson's ranch.
- Lack of guilt at shopping in the neighborhood. (Tiffany's isn't that much more out of your price range, right?)
- A skybox at MoMA QNS, currently being converted to a flexible combination of Olympic Village, convention center, and free, democratic Iraq.
- A free audio tour of your part in American's new ownership economy.
- Another reminder that art is much cheaper in euros.
Staying home to make your own museum? At last, there'll be positive proof that anything is not art.
The Museum of Modern Art reopened in Manhattan on November 20, 2004.